Where Am I Heading?

After listening to the soundtrack of this movie for so long, I finally went in search for the movie. Some of the songs like "Entering Booty Town" and "Buddha's Delight" got me perplexed. I mean, what kind of movie like Music And Lyrics that would have songs like these? But after watching I understood that it was just songs from another character in the movie who is a pop singer... The songs that really dig deep into my soul would be songs like "Dance With Me Tonight", "Don't write Me Off" and of course the famous "Way Back Into Love". Hugh Grant has a great voice... His voice is the kind that can make millions of girls go crazy over, including me...! *swoon*

Dance With Me Tonight by Hugh Grant

It's been so long
Since I've known right from wrong
Got no job
Sometimes I just sit down and sob
Wondering if anything will go right
Oh will you dance with me tonight?

When the sun departs
I feel a hole down in my heart
Put on some shoes
Come down here
And listen to the blues
Wondering if anything will go right
Oh will you dance with me tonight?

I'm looking at you, you're looking at me
We're the only two off the dance floor
Do you see what I see?

Two broken lives
Working in harmony
Might make for a decent time
So get up and dance with me

I know that it seems that the grass will grow
Better on the other side of the barbwire fence
But that other side is not in sight
So I'm fine with what I have now
If you'll dance with me tonight

What's the point of life if risk is just a board game?
You roll the dice but you're just hoping that the rules change
What's the point if you can't bring yourself to say
The things you want to say
Like dance with my tonight

The characters in the movie really did a lot to reach their goal... Got me thinking back to Tuesday's bible study session. When I got to the question 'When have you had to persevere to reach a goal? What kept you going? How did this experience change you for the better?', I stoned... I thought back to the past 20 years of my life and I could not come up with an answer. Even though my family has faced financial difficulties in the past, I was not informed of it. It fact, my parents kept everything away from me and acted as if nothing has changed just so I would not get worried. Finding out about it a few years later, I realised how sheltered I am. It's time for me to really do something back for my parents and for myself... But what if their wishes and mine are so different that it could not work out together? Well, I just gotta pray about it... By the way, what is my goal in life again?

Passing of Years...

Went back to Ipoh and Penang for CNY as usual... Can't say I enjoy the hols as much as I should have. CNY just lost it's lustre for me... Maybe it is because I am not a child anymore. The excitement over the festivities, new clothes and food just died in me... Going back to my parents' hometown usually means playing games on the gameboy, playing fireworks at night and then cards right after that. I had to beg my parents to let me stay up late. Now, I just laze around the house and sleep even earlier than my parents. There's practically nothing for me to do.


I'm turning 21 this year while my cousins are either married or much younger than me and my niece and nephews are not even 10 years old yet. They are playing make believe games and running around the house shouting at maximum volume. I don't even know where they get all those energy! In some ways I envy them. Being older in the elders eyes means I have to act according to my age. I have to sit and look prim and proper. No more shouting and running around the house playing tag. Boy do I miss those days...


Bought some new foam stamps and crafting materials when I went to The Gardens on Friday. It seems these are the things that can really put a smile on my face. I already have gift ideas running through my head waiting to be made into reality. I find solace in crafting. While my thoughts are wandering, my hands would be diligently working. The same applies to dish washing... And eventhough 8 of my guppies, the whole tank by the way, died, at least I know I still have my betta fish and the cute little lobster here to accompany me...

To Sui Yen...

Dearest sister, although I did complain a lot about staying with you, (it was forcing me to take a sniff of your smelly bolster and making me give you a goodnight kiss that brought them up) I feel really blessed to have you by my side when I am going through trying times. You could not imagine how much better I have been after those few days of spending some quality time with you. Our late night talks and crazy times really did much good for me emotionally and spiritually. There are a lot of things I have decided to do but it was so hard to actually put into action. Your constant reminders of having faith in God and trusting Him with my life really did wonders to me. You kept saying I am really like you before and I hope that God would use this time of mine here in small town Kampar to mold me into a person worthy of Him. A person like you. I always keep my emotions in check, somehow I can never show others how much I love them and appreciate them, so when you showed me your blog post, I could do no more but to give you a short hug. But inside, I was really happy. Happy that you would actually took aside some time to think of me amidst your busy schedule, happy that for once, I truly felt that someone, aside from God, actually wanted me around. For as long as I had remember I have always had this little speck of loneliness deep inside my heart. Although I know that God is always here for me, I needed something more, something I can touch and feel. And because I am like this, He blessed me with great friends that I met here in Kampar who walked beside me and supported me. Thank you so much for being here for me. I missed the times we spent together too. But we are going to spend more time together after CNY k?

O Heavenly Father, thank you for everything...

Over the mountain and the sea
Your river runs with love for me
And I will open up my heart
And let the healer set me free
I'm happy to be in the truth
And I will daily lift my head
For I will always sing of when Your love came down

I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever

Reminders...

I need to be reminded :

• to always keep God's Word in my heart that I will never fall into temptation.
• to always think twice, thrice, four times before making a decision.
• to always put others first and not be so selfish.
• to stop indulging in self pity.
• to slow down and look at the people around me instead of rushing ahead in life.
• that no matter what, God loves ME! He truly does!
• that I am never alone... NEVER! God is with me!
  
• to come out of my own comfort zone, to learn, to grow...
  
• that God always has a plan for me. Let His Will be done.
• to be more confident in life.
• to be patient.
• to be silent.
  

Fame

Out Here On My Own by Irene Cara

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in.
Make believin' is hard alone,
Out here on my own

We're always provin' who we are
Always reachin' for the risin' star
To guide me far
And shine me home
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Until the morning sun appears
Making light of all my fears
I dry the tears
I've never shown
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in
I may not win
But I can't be thrown
Out here on my own
On my own

Something's Wrong...

My mood has been going downhill lately...
I can't really get myself excited over anything. Even smiling takes up much more effort than it used to.
I can't focus on the work at hand. I have a lot of work due and I just can't get anything started!
The projects that I wanted to take up for myself are left hanging because I don't have enough equipment.
I'm losing my appetite. I can't finish off my meals and when I do I feel like throwing up.
My sleep time is seriously messed up, it was never normal to begin with. Naps in the afternoons and long late nights.
What is happening to me?
Seriously...